DO you ever feel like you are just going through the motions of life?? Do you EVER question "WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE"?? Being a Mom is definitely the BEST thing ever...but I believe you start to lose yourself in the process and you live your life through your children...they are your number one concern!! I LOVE my kids...but when you are around them 24/7 things can get a little crazy and I want to pull my hair out...I believe that is why I am reaching into the triathlon world just to get out and be free...I can honestly say I really do not enjoy exercising ( I know sounds crazy) but I do love just being out there in the middle of no-where and emptying my head, that is why I enjoy it!!! Some times I come back fully charge like I could take on the world....but other days I feel LOST....like what am I doing with my life...should I be doing more or should I be doing less??? I feel like I am missing out on things..but really do not know what I am missing out on??? I am confused and still don't know what I want out of life.....I am 35 years old and still waiting to be content, that scares me!!!! I feel like I live the SAME day after day... So I am in the search of trying to find the NEW me the BETTER me, I will let you know if I find her :)
GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE RACING THE FLORIDA HALF IRONMAN THIS WEEKEND....GO GO GO KATIE, ELIANE, MARNI, WES, BRYAN RHODES (anyone else that I am missing...please fill me in :)
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28 comments:
I think we all have those lost feelings sometimes. Especially as mom's and we have to constantly readjust our place in our children's lives as they get older. Don't worry, it will all come together and you'll be right back to feeling good before you know it!
yup,i have that feeling a lot :P, but it is more of wtf am i doing? is there something i should be doing? i honestly don't know how you do it with four kids, but anyone, who is a primary caregiver to their kids knows that it is a huge sacrifice in many ways - to do it well, you have to unconditionally give emotionally, physically, mentally day after day, often with only a little smile in return. that is why i love to get out and run and ride and have some alone time with me - i think it makes me a much better mama in the long run.
Mel, I have been thinking about you... wondering if you are having some crazy feelings similar to our chats in St. Croix.
I think what you are experiencing is really normal. Truthfully I think there is not a single person in the universe that has everything put together or figured out or constantly joyful... bad days, bad weeks, bad situations happen. It's okay. Brady Bunch and Leave it to Beaver lives don't really exist in families... YES, GREAT family times exist and GREAT families...
This is hard now but it will get easier. You know after every storm in life is a rainbow. You are beautiful, amazing, funny, smart, the list goes on. BUT for you to be happy and others to be happy around you YOU have to be happy first within you. Find what it is you want and need then do it. Make it happen.
I really think the YOU that YOU have is amazing, no search for a new one... JUST LET THAT MEL OUT! Love her okay, respect her and what she does and who she is... YOU are worth it.
Okay, long comment, sorry... stay strong through the storm, your rainbow awaits you.
I will be 35 in a few months and STILL have no idea what I want to be when I grow up :) You are not alone. I think all moms (me included) have had the same feelings at one time or another. When I start feeling that way I go out of my way to make extra time for myself...to do somethng that I (not the kids or the husband) want to do. Hang in there.
Kids or no kids, I think we all contend with this. It's hard to believe you are 35 and have 4 kids AND just did your first 1/2 ironman triathlon AND look the way you do... I could go on and on...
Keep reminding yourself of this!
Thanks for the shout out, Mel! I'm on my third version of this comment, and I just can't get the words to come out right :-)
In a nutshell, before you can bring true unselfish value to any relationship, you have to have your own house in order. It makes no sense to try to get the speck out of your neighbor's eye when you have a board in yours.
That's where the balance of finding your purpose as an individual, mother, wife, and daughter come into play.
In case you didn't notice, I take a more "zen" approach to life. I take what comes as it may, and I am grateful for the gifts I have been given.
Lots of hugs and support. You let us know if we can hep :-)
It's like you are in my head reading my thoughts. It helps me to not look for the big answer, I try to go through my day looking for small things that make me feel better about life. They add up!
I've had those same feelings many times. I have good and bad days just like anyone else. I do enjoy exercising because it allows me to meet people who are fun and have similar interests. Yeah, sometimes I'd rather just sit my ass on the couch and watch TV, but then I remember all the fun times that I have had with my friends at various events. Your life seems to be very full of people who love you, and you also seem to have some fun friends. Find some time for you, and keep your chin up.
I know exactly how you feel! I am 38 have 2 kids and have been married to my husband for 20 years! That is all GREAT! But I do wonder sometimes where I am? Who I am? Who would I be if my life was not formed by them? But then you have to snap out of it and quit thinking too much... Because you wouldn't trade your life for anything. I think the "world" makes us question too many things- just listen and think with your heart. I also think this way of thinking is called the 30's! (We just can't believe the 80's were so long ago!) Ha!
I hate exercising sometimes too... So I had to laugh at that! You look great- have accomplished more than most...Smile and just be thankful!
Mel,
As you can see - you're not alone in your thoughts. :)
I'm 7 years younger than you but still ask myself those questions, being at a different stage in my life. Still wondering what the hell I'm doing. Why pursue a sport that is so painful and time consuming and yields few rewards in the way of perfect races and PRs, and yields so much heartache and mistakes and all these things that happen beyond our control.
But I do it because it also makes me feel happy. I have to just go on that.
I can't say I necessarily have an answer for you because I'm still searching for my own.
There is no perfect family or perfect people, as Bree said. You are a pretty incredible individual, though, and you have accomplished SO MUCH.
There's no 'should' or 'should not' when it comes to how to live life. We each have different desires and different dreams. It's up to you not to change who you are, but keep checking in with the Mel inside. What are your dreams? What are your intentions? Have they changed along the way?
It's okay to change your goals and dreams, just make sure you're changing them for YOU.
Be committed to yourself first, and make sure that YOU are being fulfilled, so that you can help the other people in your life be fulfilled as well. I hate to use this line, but it's like they say on airplanes - put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then help others.
Caregivers (this includes MOTHERS!!) face so much and carry so much weight.
I think the special thing about triathlon is that it forces us to confront our commitments in a brutally honest way and makes us question what our goals are.
I don't know if you're ever totally supposed to know what you want out of life. Life changes. It throws us curveballs and we have to deal! There's so much it offers and how do we take it all in?
Now I'm just going on and on. :) Sorry!!! I just appreciated your post and your questions so much. They're so full of honesty and I think that just the fact that you confront them openly is so healthy. You'll find your answers and you will find your way. Be patient and be kind with yourself. You have so much to be proud of.
S
Your comments make sense to most moms around the world.Only thing is from previous posts it's obvious that you don't have things figured out.It seems like you still want to be a kid and put yourself first.It's just not getting you where you'd like. The way you talked about your daughter's friends seemed more childish than motherly. Well I just found your blog today from Jen's and I think it will be my last day to visit.
TO ANONYMOUS (THAT IS SOOOO BRAVE OF YOU) gotta love it...I am so GLAD you have your life figured out...AWESOME for you...MAYBE you need TO REREAD...I DON"T put myself first and MAYBE that is why I am LOST!!! But ya know I will take your opinion and roll with it...as that is YOUR opinion and you are in-titled to that!!! Have yourself a GREAT PERFECT life...yes I will still try to figure MINE OUT!!!!
BTW: OH yes, I do like still being a kid, that is what makes me a FUN MOM :) NO HARD feelings!!!
You have to love anonymous commenters who want to berate you. They are spineless and probably the most witless people out there. Which makes their opinions worth about...oh let's see...NOTHING.
p.s. I for one LOVED the whole description of your daughter's bday party. You remind me of my mom and how cool she always made things for me. Just keep rockin', Mel!!!
Hi Mel!
Thanks so much for leaving a blog comment!! :)
To the anonymous commenter above - please, get a life and spend less time judging others when you don't even have the bravery to post your own name. Too afraid to allow others have the same "critical look" at your thoughts and feelings?
Mel - I love the honesty in your posts! While I don't have a simple answer for "what to do", I will say that I have recently had the feelings of being lost, and I know how difficult it is to break from those feelings. Often we are so used to giving, giving, and giving MORE to others, that it's easy to lose sight of what we as individuals need. It's obvious to me that you care so much for your husband and family, and that's a beautiful thing. I agree with Bree - don't change a thing about yourself because you are amazing!
But I will say, make sure to give yourself some YOU time. Whether it be through triathlon training (even if the training part ain't so fun), or even just some quiet moments alone, you are certainly worth it! And by all the comments above (except for "anonymous"), it appears to me that there many people out there who are rooting for you ALL THE WAY!!!!!!
Many hugs,
Shannon
We Mom's can relate to this more than you can imagine. Sometimes we all have to step out of the roll of Super Mom, Super Wife, Super everything and become ourselves. Life is continualling learning and growing but no one really tells us that. No one has an answer to what happens after the wedding and kids? We are left to find out who we are. At 20, 30, 40, 50..whatever the age. Eventually everything stops and we are left to say "which way to I go now". Hang in there Mel.
Thanks for the shout out!
I love your honesty. I guess I don't have any words of advice from experience but i think triathlons are your escape from everything. I think we all feel that way. That is why when a bad training day happens, just remember all the stress, craziness and troubles that you were escaping by going out for a swim, bike and run..then that bad session can turn into something very fulfilling. Thanks for the good luck wishes...Just keep on doing what you do...with a big smile!
Without being truly whole, it makes no sense to give yourself away. Some people mistakenly see that as selfish and childish. Roll with it, Mel. The power is phenomenal...
P.S. I'm chuckling right now cause I am being OBTUSE :-) I get like that at times. This comments after mine brought tears to my eyes... So sorry :-D
Mel,
I'm sorry you couldn't meet my mother and chat these things over with her. She was an amazing woman. I grew up overseas, and my family moved every two years, but in every posting my mother was able to carve a niche for herself--an identity soley hers, apart from her roles of diplomatic wife and mother. When we moved back to the states, she parlayed all her experience into three different jobs: as an ESL coordinator, peace corps evaluator, and later real estate agent. She started working on her PhD when I started undergrad--we traded off days at school and days home with my son (since I was a young single mom). Some would call her selfish for having always had a job outside the home, but I think the job of Mom was too limiting for her. I think it's too limiting for most women--others take up volunteering with the PTA, some play tennis or do the country club thing, some run triathlons, and yet others can't/don't break out of that shell and hold it against those of us who can/do. My mom taught me that life is a journey of self-discovery, and you'd be amazed how often you can "recreate" yourself. That is a large part of the reason I went back to school for my second Masters. I think who you are now should not define who you will be tomorrow or next year--that is soley up to you. I say find what it is that makes you happy, and be secure in following your dreams--your husband and children and blogging friends will all still love you for it!
Aloha Mel,
I liked reading your post. While I'm a few years younger than you and by no means a "mom', still single looking for the "right" girl to come along and Oh yeah finding a job... I too feel as you on occasion. Hence the title LOST on my blog. I'm still searching for many things but never giving up is the key. I also find that humor and laughter get me through many rough days. If I didn't have Bree and Brooke to crack me up daily I think I would be going insane!!
Get out and enjoy being in the middle of nowhere running or riding. It's the best medicine.
You should be doing what's truly in your Heart Mel. Find that and let it flow in your every day.
If you can't find it in Ohio bring your tan lines and bikini to Hawaii and Bree, Brooke and I will help ya!!
I think we see the New Mel around the corner just by the fact you made this post.
Cheers from the land of Aloha!
Hey Mel,
you are no where near alone with with the thoughts and feelings you have expressed.
there are moments when I would rather just be sleeping because I don't want tomorrow to repeat the same as the day before, same thoughts and behaviors.
You have to remember in these moments to always come back home (home is where the heart is) or so they say!
embrace the moments you are going through and who knows what new thing may come about...
WOW... lots of responses to that one, Mel. And in summary...yep we all feel that way at times.(and who the heck was that anonymous person...way to put them in their place) Just from your response, I think you know who you are you just gotta accept it. Being a mom, wife, athlete and everything else is who YOU are and that's ENOUGH. EESH...think it's pretty amazing what you do. Roll with it, be in the moment, Relish it. Hang tough.
Your feelings are so normal. I am constantly questioning myself, my choices, if I am being a good mom and wife, feeling guilty for not being around more and not spending more time at home. You have so much talent and beauty, inside and out, and you will figure out how to use it best for you and your family.
BTW - it's pretty obvious that your anonymous comment poster is full of envy and jealousy.
Hey Mel. I think this is the first time I've commented on your blog. I'm like Sarah and younger than you, but all my friends are pretty much in your 'age group' or the one you were just in. Honestly, I hope I'm still doing tris after (if) I have kids and can do half the things you do! All you tri/marathoning moms amaze me!
I also think everyone feels lost at one time or another. Honestly it makes me feel better that even people like you who seem to have everything you're suppose to *want* in life, and have it all figured out from the outside still have doubts about where their life is going/has gone etc. I know that seems a little weird or mean (I hope you don't take it that way!), but honestly I don't think I'll ever have it figured out, and it's comforting to know maybe I don't have to (and do I really want to? But that's a whole other question!) What's the fun having it all figured out anyway? ;)
MEL, You are amazing, amazing and even more amazing ;) I love you! We all do. Bad days suck and make us think of so many crazy things. Some are true, some are absolutely nuts. You will get over this and life will go on and you will be back to your awesome cheerful self soon..... Hang in there, cheer up, smile, laugh lots, this all helps ;-)
Love,
E
I am so MAAAAADDDDD and upset at that person who left a comment. I look forward to all of your posts, you make everyone who reads your blogs feel - well, just normal. And, not some made-up version of life fit for a sitcom. Life is crazy, and sometimes that balance tips - we feel crazy when it does yet without it we probably would not enjoy the good times as much as we do. You are an incredible person, amazing MOM, and very caring! WE all strive to improve ourselves daily, anyone who doesn't or thinks they have it all figured out is a loser!
Hi Mel,
I'm in awe of all you do! I'm much older than you and on my own, yet still feel the "what am I doing with my life".
Take each day and feel blessed. Know that your kids are learning, growing and turning into responsible, loved, cared for, and extremely lucky to have you as a mom.
My mom (who passed away when I was 21) was so much like you. Always making life fun, throughing parties for the neighbourhood kids and making sure that everything about life was magical...
Keep up the Great Spitit of individuality!!
ps, please don't let the person who left the anonymous comment bother you, if they didn't have the balls to leave anything more than a comment, well phisshaaaa on them.
Hi Mel - I'm just catching up on my blog reading after being at home and having an overly busy schedule with my folks...
First - I think you are VERY BRAVE to publish a post like this. I think it is very rare when people know EXACTLY what they want and when they want it. Throw in a family, husband, kids, passion, sports, activities, household, and everything in between. It is okay to feel lost - heck, I feel that way myself half the time. I remember looking at people my age when I was younger, and figuring out that when I was THEIR age, I would know exactly what I wated and where i would be going in life. Ha ha - joke is on me, and I don't.
Hang in there - sometimes you just need to put your head down and plow through day after day after day. Embrache these feelings - you are helping so many people by publishing your heart and soul on your blog. Thank you for your candor and honesty - you are not alone in these feelings. I can completely relate on a small level. Not with the kids (obviously - because we don't have them yet...) but on the life level - just feeling lost. We'll hang in there together, okay?
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